Gone
by TheOneWithFanfiction
Summary: Eventual L/P, Penny breaks up with Leonard again, and soon starts to regret it, Leonard's started a new chapter with her 'arch enemy', Alex. Can she realise what's really important in time?
1. Chapter 1:The End, Again

**My first TBBT fic, Eventual L/P, not for a while though, hope you enjoy this short first chapter! **

**Please leave a review, means a lot to me, and it makes me smile to see others opinions, whether they be positive or negative. **

**PS: A long grey line means that the character perspective has changed! Just for reference :3**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING.**

* * *

Penny sat alone, holding herself in a cold embrace. She couldn't comprehend what she'd just done, and more importantly, she couldn't understand _why _he'd taken it so well. She replayed the event in her head.

'_Leonard, look, we need to talk.' _Penny had said, with certain sadness in her eyes.

Leonard had immediately known the words that were to proceed from her mouth, and so he made an attempt to stop her.

_'Wow, she was right all along, can't say I'm not devastated, surprised though? Nope, I should've known this was coming. _He replied, although he had sounded lacklustre, he let out a small chuckle.

_'Wait, what?_' Penny had shouted at him, after standing from her couch with all the haste of a cheetah.

_'Yea, Alex had told me that you had been acting weirdly around me, I for one thought it was because of you ya know, 'Visiting' _Leonard made air quotes around the word. _'My lab, ha, guess I was wrong though, well, have a good night Penny.' _

Leonard had found it incredibly hard to summon up the courage to stand up to his ex, and Penny had known that, but he had been determined not to give her the satisfaction of an emotional waterworks on his part.

'_Wait, so that lowly assistant was talking to you and making you had doubts about us? Why would you even listen to her, Leonard, I thought you were better than that.' _Penny had responded, as if she had become the victim of this impending break-up.

'_Ohh no, you are not making me feel bad, you are the one breaking things off. You are the one that strung me along only to break my heart again, you were the one to falsely renew hope when there was none. Why didn't you just end it when you first had doubts?' _Leonard rose to leave. He turned back as he stood halfway through the door. '_Oh, and I don't know if you'd noticed, Penny, but Alex is a bright young mind that has a keen knack for physics, she's not just a 'Lowly assistant', she's incredibly intelligent, has a witty humour, actually talks to me without being judgemental, acts like a real friend should, and doesn't chase a career path which really has nothing going for it for the individual, unlike you, Penny.' _He turned around once more to leave, when he heard sobs coming from within Apartment 4B. He went back, against his better judgement, and walked up to Penny, taking a tissue from within his pocket and handing it to her; he sat next to her on the couch once more.

_'Maybe I went a little too far; I didn't mean to make things personal and I regret it, I hope that maybe sometime, whether it be sooner or later, that we can be friends again.' _Leonard sighed, almost whispering into Penny's ear.

This was the 'Old Leonard', the comforting, kind, consoling man that had stolen her heart, only for her to break it once again. Penny immediately had a rush of emotion flow within her and leaned towards Leonard.

But their lips never met, Leonard had backed away from her as soon as he saw what she was trying to do.

'_No.' _Leonard replied softly, with that he stood up, patted her on the shoulder, and left.

Penny sat, astounded at what had just happened, a huge role reversal had just occurred, and it felt as if he had just broken up with her, leaving her heart in bits. She crawled towards the door, collapsed alongside it, and gently stroked it with the back of her hand. She whispered Leonard's name into thin air, willing him to come back. But he never did.

* * *

Leonard had slid down against Penny's door, in a small ball. He wiped a lone tear from his eye and whispered to himself.

'_She was right.' _


	2. Chapter 2:Gone already?

**Hey all! Welcome to Chapter 2! I really want to make this story a decent length, and so there will be no reconciliation for a while! I've decided to leave you lingering! :P **

**So, I just wanted to thank you all so much for the reviews you gave, I was overjoyed when I saw them! Thank you for the feedback, it's always greatly appreciated! So if you want to leave me your comments, then I'd love to see them! **

**Enjoy Chapter 2! **

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. (Sadly xD)**

* * *

**_Chapter 2_**

Leonard walked. He had no idea where he was going, he didn't care though, and he knew where he belonged, with no one, anywhere. He was alone in a stumbling race to find happiness, one of which he couldn't win.

When he was close to Caltech he sat on the curb, he had meant to be taking Sheldon to the comic store, and assumed he'd be frantically scurrying around, looking for a lift, certainly not caring for Leonard's wellbeing, but then again, who did? He put his head on his knees and watched cars pass, slowly putting him in an almost hypnotic state. He stayed like this for a few minutes before a quiet voice took him away from his daze.

'Hmm?' He said, turning his head slowly, wandering who was there.

'Leonard, are you ok? You look like someone just drained all the blood from you.' Alex's voice cut through the quiet cold air. Leonard stood and took a crisp ten dollar bill from his pocket, he handed it to her and smiled sadly at her, there was no doubt she'd guessed what had happened to him.

'Oh my God, I'm so sorry Leonard, I didn't think she'd break up with you, I was just trying to make myself feel better while trying to get over my crush on you.' She replied, wrapping her arms around Leonard in a tight embrace.

Leonard sighed into the nothingness. 'Alex, can I ask you a question?' He simply stated.

'Of course you can' she replied, giving him a consoling smile while rubbing his knee.

'Why did you develop a crush on me? Of all the people, you chose a lousy nerd like me, especially when you're so attractive, smart, funny and kind.' Leonard hadn't meant to sound flirtatious, but Alex must have assumed he was, because she leaned in and kissed him softly. Although he was shocked, he didn't break it. He put his hand up to her cheek and leaned in towards her more.

'Well,' she said, slightly out of breath, 'For one, you're pretty amazing at that.' She smiled, not a wicked contentious smile like Penny had so often done, but a warm inviting smile that made him smile too. 'But, honestly, I just knew you were the perfect guy for me, and knowing you were with someone that didn't treat you right, made me just fall even harder.'

'What do you mean, not treating me right?' Leonard asked inquisitively.

'Well, for one, she was constantly putting you down, she didn't push you to do what made you happy, she only forced you to do what made her content, knowing fully well that when she said 'jump' you'd just reply 'how high?'. You deserve to be with a girl that wants to go to lectures with you and doesn't fall asleep, a girl that is proud to walk around with you on her arm and show you off, I mean come on, you're like one of only one hundred and eighty people that can properly operate helium-neon and free-electron lasers. The fact that Penny didn't brag about that to her friends completely baffles me, you are a prodigy Leonard, and you deserve to be treated like one.' Was Alex's reply, but Leonard still had a hard time feeling better.

'Where in God's name could I find a girl like that?' Leonard replied, slightly scoffing.

'Right over here.' Alex whispered embarrassedly.

Without replying Leonard stood up, helped Alex up, and kissed her, with all the emotion he could. He entwined her petite fingers within his, and brought the side of her hand up to his face, he smiled as he pulled away, and without words between them they headed back to Leonard's apartment.

'Oh, just one thing,' Leonard said as they neared the apartment building, 'Sheldon's gonna go crazy in the morning when he founds out you stayed the night, you sure you wanna handle a load of bat crap crazy at 7:30 in the morning?' Leonard laughed, genuinely happy.

'I think it might just be worth it.' She replied dryly.

'Well then, after you, M'lady.' He replied, spinning Alex around.

She let out a giggle and entered the large building that Leonard called home.

* * *

Leonard woke up slowly, letting out a yawn; he saw his finger entwined in someone else's. He looked over, half expecting to see Penny in his arms, before his heart sank at seeing a brunette, but he smiled when he realised it was Alex he was holding, she looked so peaceful when she slept, he'd thought to himself.

He heard a knock at the door and got up to see who was there. As he pulled on his robe, Alex awoke, and sat up, smiling when she saw Leonard. As she dressed he offered her his arm, she graciously accepted, letting out a laugh and they walked to the door, together.

'Coming!' Leonard shouted towards the door's direction.

He rubbed his eyes with his spare hand, and put it on the handle, as he swung it open, he saw Penny standing there, tears in her eyes, which only intensified when she saw who he was holding.


	3. Chapter 3:Moving on, or not?

**Hey guys! Chapter 3 is up! Hope you enjoy it, It's not as good as the other two, because I was trying to get 4/5 chapters done, so I can continue to post everyday!(Might not stay that way! :S)**

**If you could leave me a review it means a lot! And thanks to all the lovely words I've received so far! Gives me the motivation to keep writing! **

**Hope you enjoy Chapter 3! See you tomorrow! :D (Chapters also get longer starting tomorrow!)**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING.**

* * *

Penny stared into Leonard, near to collapsing. She started to open her mouth to speak when a third hand pulled the door open. A wicked grin spread across the face of the woman standing opposite Penny, she covered her mouth with one hand and her stomach with the other. She knew Leonard had noticed the smile on Alex's part, and immediately became uncomfortable. Without speaking, she ran back across the hall and slammed the door behind her, now letting out the uncontrollable sobs that wreaked havoc upon her body.

* * *

Leonard kissed Alex on the head reassuringly, and without speaking ran across the hall. Not bothering to knock he opened the door to Apartment 4B. Penny sat on her bed, on Leonard's side, stroking the indented position he had once slept in. She looked up and bore into his soul, tears were running freely, but her words were not shaky, they cut into Leonard's very soul.

'How could you, Leonard?' She croaked, venom coating her words.

'I don't know how you recall yesterday.' He said, without compassion in his voice. 'But you broke my heart, again.' Leonard tried to stay calm, but seeing the girl he loved in a state like this made his heart ache.

'_The girl he loved' _He thought to himself. He'd never be over her, no matter how hard he tried, whether he married another woman, the name he'd long to say would be hers.

'Does that give you the right to sleep with the woman I detest most? Just because I dumped you last night doesn't give you the right to be frolicking around looking for someone else, you should have been at home, being upset or something. You shouldn't be happy right now.' She had said the last part without meaning to.

'Wait, what?!' Leonard's voice immediately became louder. 'I don't deserve to be happy?! You got what you wanted Penny! To get rid of me! I wasn't what you needed, I get that, but I'm not going to sit around like last time, moping and whining about how my life was terrible, I'm going to move on, and I don't care what you think, I'm in a vulnerable place right now, and Alex makes me happy!' Now it was his words that were coated in the venom.

'Of all the people you could have slept with, you chose her. You deserve better than that, Leonard. I know you know it.' She was visibly scared of Leonard like this, but she tried not to show it.

'Better than her?' He said, barely above a whisper. 'And you're better than her, Penny?' He asked, malice taking over.

She nodded her head in reply, confident in what she had just said, not realising Leonard was about to tear it to pieces.

'I cannot even begin to believe what you just said, Penny. Alex made me realise something, you never wanted me to be happy, you didn't push me to do what made me happy, didn't care that I was making ground-breaking progress in science. This is hard for me, because I don't have a great amount of confidence, and I can attribute that to you, always putting me down, but Alex made me realise that I am one of the smartest people in Experimental Physics as of right now. She made me realise that I shouldn't be with someone that puts me down, hides me away from her friends, and doesn't tell them what I do for a living in fear of being judged by them. Alex saw that while I was making you happy, you fooled me into thinking I was happy, I was too naïve to see it, but she was right. I don't want to hurt you Penny, because I'm still in love with you, I always will be.' He chuckled to himself quietly. 'But the fact that you think you're better than her astounds me, she actually _wants _to go to lectures with me, and not so she can rest up for a few hours! She wants to talk about me, she told me how she wants to show me off to everyone she knows, she wants to tell her parents that she was the luckiest girl in the world. Just a single night with her made me happier than I've ever been with you. I didn't, In fact I still don't want to believe that, but it's true. Have fun dating jerks again Penny, because they're the ones you love, not a geeky nerd like me.'

He turned away from her and slammed the door behind him, driving a stake into her heart even further.

* * *

'Leonard.' She cried out, but her voice came out in little more than a frail croak.

He was gone.


	4. Chapter 4: Shadows

**Hey guys, so, just to address a review I got about Leonard being slightly out of character. I never intended him to be 100% Show Leonard, I mean, none of my story would've happened if he was! :P I mean, Shenny is stranger than an assertive Leonard imo :3 But, he will be the same Leonard that we see in the show, the kind caring one, I'm not going to make him into a vulgar asshole, I just believe that Penny needs to be told that she can't rule him and use him. Still, the review was very kind! So thank you guys! I will make sure to keep updating as possible as often! **

**Enjoy!**

**PS: Just because they kissed, and he said he had to tell someone he loved them, doesn't mean they're back together! Just wait until next chapter ;P Don't worry, I know that it's a leap in the story, without a middle, but that's the point! See you tomorrow! :D **

* * *

Leonard sat alone. He couldn't face work today. Although he knew that Sheldon was going to freak when he'd found out that he and Alex had slept together, he had no idea that he'd go as far as firing her. He looked at his watch and realised everyone would be over soon, which meant he had to make himself scarce; he couldn't face people at the moment, either.

Leonard started walking towards the university, although he wasn't paying much attention to his whereabouts, he was too lost within himself.

Leonard thought that Alex stopping all connection with Leonard was a little harsh, especially as she had made a move on him, had agreed to stay the night with him, and yet she had broken his heart, that was twice in two days. He had thought to himself.

But she hadn't broken his heart, he didn't even care. He only cared about Penny. She had torn out his heart again, and even though she had tried to mend the rift yesterday, he had shut her down and told her that them as a couple was off the table.

He groaned to himself.

_'What have I done? I should've tried to fix things with Penny, she looked so devastated.' _Leonard felt physically sick.

Alex's words were spinning around in his head, _'I do deserve someone good, don't I?' _And then he realised; that what made him happy was seeing her happy, her smile made him jump for joy inside, she had been so honest about how insecure she'd been when she'd been young and that Leonard had been the only person that she could truly trust. He felt like such a fool, even though she had broken up with her boyfriend, she needed her friend, unfortunately for him, he'd been both, but that didn't give him an excuse, he decided that he needed to see her. He turned and started running towards the apartment building.

* * *

Penny walked slowly in the cold as tears fell freely from her eyes, she cared little if anyone saw her like this, Sheldon had just told her Leonard was nowhere to be found, and even though they hadn't looked farther than the apartment laundry room, she still felt ill knowing that she was the reason.

It had been dark, and Penny wasn't paying attention to anything that was going on around her, she was in a daze, slipping in and out of sanity.

She barely saw the man coming at her from out of the shadows, and by the time she did he was already just a few feet from her. The wind was knocked out of her as they collided, she half expected to hit the floor, but she felt strong arms wrap around her back and haul her back up. The dialogue that followed next made her freeze, the words weren't the reason, but the voice was.

'I'm so sorry ma'am, I-I just have to go and tell someone that I love them, and I wasn't looking where I was going, was all.'

She analysed what Leonard had just said, he hadn't noticed it was her, because he had continued walking, but slowly this time, as to save him from hurting anyone else.

_'If he's going to Alex's, shouldn't he be heading the other way?' _She thought to herself.

With just a moment's thought she realised that he was heading back to her apartment. She turned around half expecting Leonard to be long gone, but she could still see him and presumed he'd still be in earshot.

She screamed his name. Penny saw the man turn, and then start walking towards her, her stomach immediately became heavy, and she felt butterflies storm around wreaking havoc on her insides. As he neared even more she took a few small hesitant steps towards him, as soon as he came into view their eyes immediately locked, and as much as she wanted to look away she couldn't. Something about him had become endearing, she'd thought to herself.

She felt Leonards hand cup her face and his lips press against hers, she moved her hands up to his. Time stood still around them. They broke because the need to breath became apparent to them. He knew that she was shaking and took his coat off, wrapping it around her.

Failing to stay calm, she started to weep uncontrollably; he wrapped his arms around her, helping her to sit down. She buried her head into his chest, and stayed that way.


	5. Chapter 5: Regret

**Sorry for the wait! So another short one here! I know that Leonard is out of character here, but I want to see a different Leonard, not becoming a 'Jock', but still changing himself out of heartbreak, he's still going to be the Leonard from the show, he's still going to be a nice guy :P Just wanted to throw something out of the blue in there. **

**Reviews are most appreciated! See you soon :D **

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING :P**

**_Chapter 5_**

Penny awoke with a start, she looked around her cold dark apartment, as the shadows slowly started to close in on her sleep deprived state, for three nights she had been having the same dream, from Leonard's, and then her own perspective. As the realisation came to her that she _had _been dreaming again, salty tears dropped from the corners of her eyes, slowly at first and then a steady stream started to follow.

Three months had passed since she'd let Leonard go, and not a day went by when she hadn't sat weeping at the end of her bed in one of his shirts holding the immortal snowflake in her hands. But nothing had hurt more than waking up and turning over to see a man that wasn't Leonard sleeping next to her; and when he had finally awoken he'd gotten up without recognition of Penny's presence or even existence, grabbed his clothes and headed out the door, never to see her again. Her heart had broken every time this had happened in the past 90 days. She had been so used to waking up to her sweetheart bringing her breakfast with a beaming smile on his face.

_'Why did I ever say our love was boring, why did I take him for granted?' _She had thought to herself every morning once she had finally willed herself to get out of bed. She couldn't bring herself to tell Leonard about her feelings, as tame and kind as he was she knew that the anger that he concealed towards her within himself had to be near a breaking point, especially after breaking his heart again.

So every evening she resigned herself to talking to Amy and Bernadette about Leonard and Alex and whether their relationship was falling apart, and to her surprise they always replied by saying that although the relationship seemed OK, Leonard never smiled, laughed or got involved with his friends, or even Alex. He had even started going to the gym four times a week to avoid human contact. One lonely Friday evening Penny had remembered Alex storming over to her apartment just over a month prior and demanding that Penny stayed clear of Leonard, claiming that she was causing him to give everyone the cold shoulder, not wanting to seem weak in front of the new alpha female of the group she agreed without argument and closed her door, before letting out a howl of pure desperation. After shaking herself out of her daze she decided to pry Amy for information on Leonard's gym and when he went so that she could go and see him without Alex's knowledge, she hadn't even seem him once in the past four weeks, Leonard was still her friend, or so she hoped, and she had decided that she had a right to see him, to attempt getting some closure on their relationship. She deserved that at least, didn't she?

* * *

Leonard had his headphones in and his Ipod playing his 'Gym Playlist'. Ever since Penny had pretty much disappeared from his life, he felt as if part of him had died, he no longer felt compelled to speak to his friends, even his girlfriend, he was now solely focused on his work, and his appearance. He didn't care about other people's opinions on his body, but he was doing this for his own self validation, he had felt so lost and without direction and so he decided that he would do something positive and productive.

Leonard recalled the day Penny had ended their relationship for a second time, and then he'd immediately gone and slept with someone else, because he was feeling fragile and lonely, permanently destroying any chance of reconciling with Penny.

_'I should've fought for us!' _His inner voice screamed as he started pushing 90 kilos on the bench press. The anger towards himself flowed freely through his body, fuelling his lifting, causing him to ignore the burning ache in his arms after ten reps. He finally dropped the bar onto its support and sat up, dropping his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes vigorously, partly out of frustration, and party from trying to stop tears from forming in them.

* * *

Penny stood in the doorway to an all but empty gym room, except for one lone soul on the bench press. Her mouth was slightly agape as she saw him heave a massive amount of weight above his head over and over until he was shaking, and when she saw him stop she lost her nerve and hid around the corner of the door, afraid of his eyes rest upon her. Penny heard the heavy breathing from the other side of the thick wall. With only a moment's hesitation she walked around the corner once more, to finally confront her feelings, and the love of her life.


	6. Chapter 6: No way back now

**Do you guys ever get that feeling, when you update a story that you haven't written for in a while, and you just cringe at the poor quality of the writing? :S Because that's how I'm feeling here xD **

**Sorry for the long delay on this story, and my others, but there's a few reasons why! **

**1: I'm really sleep deprived, so I've been having a tough time penning anything down! (Stupid anxiety! :P) **

**2: I'm starting a new story, a long one, and I have about 12k words so far, and I'm aiming for 75-80k, and I want to finish it before I start uploading it! (That way I'll never be late!) and I'm also doing a few shorter stories ( A Shenny from a Lenny shipper, to express my frustration on how some Shenny writers portray Leonard, and a Priya era story, so they'll be up soon!) **

**So yea, sorry for leaving you in the dark with this story for so long, and sorry for the short update! **

**Take care! **

* * *

**_Chapter 6_**

Leonard heard the voice he had secretly longed for, and it cut through him like an icy blade. An otherworldly chill ran down his spine, and yet a small warm feeling started to burn in the pit of his stomach, his emotion had become a whirling grisly oxymoron, leaving him feeling physically sick.

'Hey,' Her voice had come out at little more than an audible squeak, but Leonard could feel it reverberating around his ears, almost as if she'd been screaming at him. He didn't reply. He couldn't, any words he'd wanted to have spoken became lodged in the back of his throat, while his lungs started closing in on themselves. He couldn't even raise his head to see the goddess standing in front of him.

'I-I just really needed to talk to you, so I came down here so Alex wouldn't know, if you tell her, I get it, I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but just please hear me out, Leonard.' Penny pleaded.

Leonard nodded, finally daring to look up, before instantly regretting it, every time he saw her, his heart jumped and he fell even harder for her. She looked so vulnerable with tears in her eyes that he just wanted to get up, hold her and tell her everything was going to be OK; but his legs wouldn't move, they'd become dead weights, and everything wasn't going to be OK, he already felt unnerved and uneasy, and she hadn't even started talking.

Penny hardly recognised the man sitting in front of her. In just a month he had transformed, where small arms once were became replaced by defined biceps, where a small stocky 'hobbit' frame once was, starting to be replaced by a butterfly build. He almost looked taller, and definitely more intimidating, but he didn't look like the jerks she usually dated, he still had fidgety hands, and couldn't bring himself to look at her, despite his new found physical stature. When he finally did look up she still saw the same kind eyes, covered by a thin layer of hurt, she could still see the pain that he wore so prominently in his expression. She realised that the reason he was staring at her was not because he was marvelling at her, like he used to, it was because she had been silent for a long time, all the while making babbling sounds just trying to form basic words, just like a lovesick teenager.

Once Penny had built up the nerve to speak, her voice was extremely shaky.

'L-Leonard, I'm going to pretty much, wear my heart on my sleeve, and if you have anything to say after I've finished, then please, I beg you to tell me, even if it's going to break my heart, at least I can try and move o-' She was cut off.

'Move on!?' He retorted, standing quickly. 'I'm pretty sure you've already accomplished that, Penny. For the ten minutes a day I force him to socialize, all Sheldon tells me about is the endless stream of new guys flowing through your apartment door, so if you've come here to tell me that you're not over me, or that you made a mistake, then don't bother, because I know it's not true.' Leonard immediately noticed that he'd gone too far when he saw Penny's makeup start to run thanks to a silent flow of tears, but he didn't want bite his tongue, he carried on; the cap on his anger had been torn off, and all the emotion he'd held within him flowed, as if he was salty water being poured straight onto an open wound that was Penny.

She immediately cowered away from him, petrified of what he might do next. It was obvious Leonard noticed this, because he immediately stumbled backwards, sliding himself down a wall, bringing his knees up into his chest.

_'Wha-what have I become Penny?' _He croaked, _'I don't want to be like every other jock, I'm not that type of person, I want to be Leonard, but I can't. I didn't mean to scare you, or upset you, I'm so sorry.' _He barely got the last words out before burying his head in his hands. He was disgusted at himself for what he'd done; he'd turned into everything he'd despised.

Penny could see him shaking, he was still her Leonard, still cared, was still overly apologetic, took all the blame for her mistakes. She couldn't help but feel her heart shatter sitting there looking at the shell of the man she loved. She'd done this to him, taken his heart, as well as the normality of his life and crushed it, leaving just the dust in the palm of her hand that was his happiness. She crawled over to where he sat, just to the side of him and put her arm around his shoulder, when she noticed that he didn't stop her, she put her head on his shoulder, and started to cry too.

'_No,' _She whispered '_this, this is my fault, all of this. I don't know why I broke up with you; all I know is that I regret it. More than anything else I've ever done. I miss you, when I lay in bed, I miss your arms around my waist, I miss having your legs curled around my own, and I miss feeling your breath on the back of my neck. I just hurt, I hurt all the time now, there's not a moment when I'm not pining for you, silently wishing that you'd come knocking on my apartment door before sweeping me off of my feet. I'm just so crazily in love with you, and now I'm paying the price for it.' _

'_You-you love me?' _He replied, incredulously.

* * *

**Anyone else getting annoyed with these cliffhangers?! :P**


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